The Wall Way

The Wall Way
By Bing Wall


On Sundays you go to church
Eat dinner at home or go out to eat
Everyone takes a nap
When the kids are older, it’s quiet time
When the kids are older still they can go out and play
Mom and dad still take a nap
There’s a lock on the bedroom door
At Thanksgiving Dinner everyone gets teased at least once
Usually at least one person is teased one too many times
It is decreed that Jared will eat all of our leftovers
Mom and Dad go to breakfast at HyVee every Saturday
To read the paper
Talk about the news and the Minnesota Twins
Talk about how the kids are doing
Talk about how mom and dad are doing
Then they figure out the bills
Then they come home and everyone cleans the house: No excuses
When it comes to the house, mom is the General
Dad is the Lieutenant,
The kids are Privates
This pecking order is built into the laws of the universe
And cannot be renegotiated
If you have a friend overnight on Friday night
They have to help you clean because
The first time you visit you are a guest
The second time you visit you are family
Which means you pick up after yourself
And
If you don’t work you don’t eat
You want your friends to stay over on Friday night
BB guns cannot be used to shoot at glass pop bottles while aiming at the house
Even if your Grandpa gave you the BB gun
BB guns have a mysterious habit of disappearing forever
Please do not terrorize Mrs. Murphy
Big Brandon’s family’s hot dogs suck to high heaven
Dad is the recreation director
Sleeping at a rest stop on the interstate is a God-given natural right
When we stop at a convenience store Dad will give you money to buy whatever you want
When we return from vacation everyone helps clean out the van
When Mom asks what you learned in Sunday School today, you say “Jesus”




Used cars are a badge of honor, especially old Buicks
New cars are a waste of money
As Grandpa Fritz says: it’s just sheet metal
When you pay to get your car fixed you say:
“At least I don’t have monthly car payments or loose all that money to depreciation”
And then you smile and nod knowingly
Using and developing your God-given talent is a duty, honor, privilege and a joy
Jesus is our friend, confidant, example and coming King
We love because He first loved us
Laugh long, hard and often
A well timed joke is just shy of heaven
When you join the Wall family
Your picture is added to the Wall of Walls
This is the greatest promotion known to man
You are then initiated.